The Secret Is In The “No, Thank You”

Hey sister, sit right down and let’s have a little chat.

Running a business.

Motherhood.

Running a home.

A marriage.

Life.

It can be messy. Like really, reallllllllly messssssy! Am I right? Like, whoa. Especially right now. Maybe 2020 left you jobless or starting down a new path. Maybe you suddenly became a homeschooling teacher (if something in me shifted it’s definitely the understanding that teachers are way, way, waaaaaay underpaid.) Maybe you feel lost and are still processing this whole year. Maybe you’re paralyzed and have no stinking clue what you are doing. Maybe you’ve been dreaming but are struggling taking the leap you feel that you need to take in order to just start.

Wherever you are at in the sea of the noise, it’s okay. You are never behind in this thing called life. You are exactly where you need to be, so please, please give yourself a little bit of grace. You’re surviving. You are freaking surviving and that is something to be celebrated.

But maybe no matter how hard you try, how dedicated you become, those little voices, the fear….it overwhelms you. Maybe you struggle with getting back to you. To the woman that YOU truly are. To YOUR wants. YOUR needs. I mean, have you asked yourself recently, “What is it that I want?” Or are you constantly being consumed in the “What can I do to make everyone around me happy?” mindset…

Girrrl, I hear you. I’ve certainly been there. But it’s time to set some boundaries. I used to be that “yes” girl, too. Anytime someone needed me. I was there. Nobody ever had to think twice. Need someone to support you? Need a little bit of advice? Need someone’s shoulder to cry on? Need to vent?

I was ALWAYS THERE.

It. Was. Exhausting.

I was stressed, exhausted and on the verge of burnout. I could barely pull myself out of bed let alone find the energy to maintain my home, my marriage, take care of my kids and keep my health together. Something had to give. And so….I dropped a career that sucked the life out of me (my very first no.) I stopped saying “yes” to people that thought it was okay to put their toxic thoughts all over me. I started working less. I said yes to more me time. I said yes to more play. I said yes to more connections with my husband and children. I said no to working late evenings and weekends.

The “no” doesn’t have to be negative. It doesn’t have to be proceeded with this “She doesn’t care about me” mindset. It doesn’t mean that you are failing yourself or somebody else. It doesn’t mean that you will crumble. The “no” slowly became my power.

You were not put here to solve everybody’s problems.

You were not put here to please everyone around you.

You were not put here to go-go-go until you fall.

You were put here to light the world up with your passions, your beauty and become the incredible human within yourself. I say it’s time you shine a little bit brighter.

5 Steps To Making Your “No, Thank You’s” A Wee Bit Easier:

  1. Know Your Why- Why do you do everything you do? Not just the basic surface level stuff but the real, deep, messy stuff. Get to the root of why you get out of bed each and every day. Why do you keep showing up day after day? What is that why that is going to make your success inevitable? What is that why that is going keep you getting up failure after failure? Write it down.
  2. Stop Apologizing- One of the worst things that you can do is apologize. When you apologize for acting a certain way, or being a certain way or saying something you feel you shouldn’t have said, you are putting out to the Universe that YOU ARE WRONG. This is just another form of people pleasing. Stop saying that you are sorry for being who you truly are. Own the heck out of that person.
  3. Expect Setbacks- Understand that you will get it wrong. Understand that this is a learning process. Understand that things can get messy. Kindly shut down those voices when they come in. Walk her out. Release her and wait for her to show up again…..rinse & repeat.
  4. Know WHAT You Truly Want- Be crystal clear. Write it down. Remind yourself often. Ask for it. Tell your best friend. Tell your family. Talk as though you already have it. By doing this, you are accepting that as your own. Until you accept it and are able to believe the possibility for yourself, you are letting the Universe know that you aren’t ready for it.
  5. Release Control- When you say “no” you literally put control back into the hands of those people and situations that you used to say yes to. Maybe you were the wall that they used to cast their judgements, thoughts & just all of their stuff onto. Chances are it wasn’t intentional. But when you can finally stop trying to please everyone around you by being their go-to person, you take your time back and you force those people to grow within themselves as well. So win-win, right?

I don’t know about you, but gaining more time to get back to me, to the woman that I always knew was deep, deep inside of me is so darn liberating. That stuckness that you may be feeling right now doesn’t have to be the only way of being. It is possible to find that freedom, that liberation that you truly crave.

It just takes one tiny, tiny step.

Say no.

Say, “no, thank you.”

Take some time for you.

Get back to what you truly love.

Be playful again.

Rest.

And remember who you were before the world told you who you are supposed to be?

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i'm a suburb living florida mama of 2 with big dreams. I'm obsessed with muay thai, yoga pants and oat milk lattes. i've been keepin' it real since 1983.

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